NLEK

So it’s my first night in a stint of five at Premier Inn. It also happens to be the evening of my 22nd birthday and I’m spending it alone in a plum coloured, plastic coated roadside hotel. Don’t get me wrong I had my fair share of birthday celebrations last night, and I’m certainly paying for it today.

On arrival I checked in and received my plastic key to enter the portal of the never ending corridor and made my way in a “glass elevator” style lift, minus labelled buttons, to the 2nd floor. After reaching the 1st floor, returning to ground floor, going all the way up to the 3rd floor and then finally making a return visit to the ground floor (much to the amusement of the reception staff) I eventually worked out which button would lead me to the 2nd floor and I was away.

My room is spacious and as I sit here in my pink wrap around towel the less than electrically sound kettle is bubbling away ferociously in the background, in preparation for my first cup of Premier Inn tea.

When my sister left me here earlier today after driving down to Dorset with me to check out a few flats I’ll admit I had a bit of a cry. But my sadness was short lived as my imagination suddenly changed channels and flicked over to an episode of Alan Partridge and as the sketch continued to play out in my mind I couldn’t help but draw a similarity between Alan and myself. Here I am with all my birthday cards lined up on my desk, bottle of wine at the ready and a selection of Nutri-grain bars for breakfast, my only company Anton the Romanian bloke on reception and a questionable gentleman from Ireland who’s only hair seems to have worked its way from his head and down through his nose.

All of a sudden I was in fits of laughter, leaning on the edge of the bed, tears still streaming down my cheeks, and the more I laughed/cried, Alan Partridge continued to exclaim “Ahhaaaa!” in the back of my mind. I eventually got over my hysterical laughing fit, turned on the miniature flat screen TV only to be faced with Home Alone 3....you couldn’t write this stuff. So once again my tears were transformed into laughter and once again the neighbouring rooms questioned the sanity of their fellow Premier Inn guest. I’ll let you know how I get on with the cardboard pillows tomorrow! Night night everyone, sleep tight.